Meltdown

I know stress can be a motivator, and a certain degree of stress does seem to push me off the couch and help me take action sometimes, but too much stress can sort of paralyze me.  At the moment I am a big, crazy ball of paralysis.

Soon after I wrote my last post I pulled out of my funk and actually made a little progress.  I got really into Weight Watchers Online and was tracking like a maniac.  I lost 10 pounds.  I was doing Zumba twice a week and feeling those endorphins.  Around Halloween I got sick with a nasty bronchial thing.  It lasted most of November and pretty much annihilated all of my good habits.

At the moment I'm dealing with the last week of school and finals preparation.  My sweet neighbor is struggling with major health issues.  And the holidays induce a very unbalanced combination of Christmas Spirit and "I miss my mom!" heartache.  So I'm kind of a mess.  Since I haven't been exercising lately it's not in my immediate tool set for dealing with stress.  It's actually another stressor because I know I need to start again and I also know it will be difficult because my muscles seem to atrophy after a week of inactivity.

You want to know how I dealt with stress today?  Donuts.  Several of them.  And caffeine.  I'm not feeling very good right now.  Donuts are not helpful...the first bite was...maybe even the first donut.  But after that they turned on me and showed their true ugliness.

Tomorrow I need a different method of dealing with life.  Because stress will come and go at different levels, but it's always there.  Tomorrow I will breathe, go for a walk, take a bath, or talk to a friend.  I might even turn on some loud music and dance in my kitchen while my dog looks at me like I'm nuts.  And I'll eat good food that gives me energy and fuel and feeds my body in a healthy way, without stuffing my feelings down or inducing a fuzzy sugar haze.  Tomorrow I will treat myself with respect and love.  One day at a time...maybe one hour at a time...I will change the way I treat myself and deal with this life of mine.