I started walking / jogging this week...following the Couch to 5K program again, but this time taking it slowly and just spending as much time as I need to on each phase. It took me a semester + 2 weeks to muster up the courage to actually go to the fitness center desk, ask for a T-shirt, and use the fitness room. I’ve had a locker since last September, but there was some weird, irrational fear that I struggled to get past to actually use the fitness room. The hardest part for me was asking for the stupid T-shirt. I’m not sure why.

Today was about my 4th session walking / jogging on a treadmill. I woke up with a sinus headache and felt kind of gross, so I didn’t expect my workout to be very energetic. But around the third song on my 80’s playlist something clicked. I felt like running. I was listing to “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and wishing I could just belt out the lyrics...and I had a very emotional reaction to the running. I felt connected to myself in a way I’m only aware of when I workout really hard...when I get my heart rate going and start to sweat and a little bit of adrenaline kicks in. I almost started to cry - I don’t completely understand why I felt that way. I think maybe because it’s something just for me. Maybe it also has something to do with being in the moment. I’m never in my moments...I’m always worried about what needs to get done, what I should be doing, what I haven’t done, what’s coming up next. But when I’m working out sometimes it’s just about the music, and the breathing, and feeling my body try to be strong...and my to-do list does not have to exist in that moment.